What is it too soon for?
She got a QotD submitted.
It just struck me today.
perhaps it's the hormones racing through my body, perhaps not.
But right now I have a LOT of answers for this question.
It's too soon for my Mamaw to move to Florida.
It was decided spur of the moment - the grandmother that I love very much is moving to live with my aunt in Pensacola.
Randomly.
Decided in maybe 2 days or so, so I've had about 2 weeks to get used to that idea.
Only she's moving August 1st.
She wants me to come pick out stuff I want today.
I lost my Granny in March of last year. I feel like I'm losing another.
It's too soon for Abbey to turn 13.
Her friends are getting boobs bigger than my quite large... um... yeah.
They're pretending to get pregnant, lying about where they're going and dressing like kids much older should dress.
Or shouldn't actually, but do.
I'm not ready for this phase in her life, not ready for what it's doing to our relationship.
It's too soon to get married.
Not that it's too soon to marry Nick, not that we haven't been together long enough.
But it's much like having kids - you look forward to it for months and when it gets here, you feel yourself backpeddle.
I'm backpeddling.
I don't know what comes next so how can we get married?
I don't know what's going to happen with the custody battle and surely I can't have one closure without the other?
How am I supposed to leap into something without knowing that one life exploding detail?
And that's another thing.
It's too soon to have the custody battle decided.
That seems contradictory, but if I'm going to lose her, I want it to be like... a week before she turns 18.
The idea - the almost sure feeling I have that she is going to choose to live with her father rolls around in my head constantly and I am NOT ready to hear those final heavy words come out of a judge's mouth.
I don't think I'd ever be ready, to be honest.
I can understand her picking her father in some ways - she wants him to be something he's not and is hoping that perhaps by being around he'll love her like he loves the other kids.
And I can't fight that hope.
I don't have the weapons.
It's too soon for her to realize that her father simply is who he is.
Let her realize that when she's my age - when she's old enough to not take it as personally as you do when you're 12. When you're old enough to know that some people simply lack basic character attributes and you simply have to love them anyway as they are - because there is no changing them.
Let her get older before she realizes that.
It's too soon to turn 30.
Not that I'm freaking about the age itself.
I love who I am on the inside and the time that I've given myself to discover that person.
What I don't love is that time is passing so quickly that I feel as though life is passing me by.
Chances to find things I love to do as a career, chances to have more children, chances to lose that extra weight - all these things we tell ourselves when we're young that we have time to do - well, I'm running out of that time.
Not that I can't do them, but that simply saying I will isn't enough anymore if that's what I really want.
It's too soon to have to know what I really want.
Don't I get more time?
Don't I get more roses time?
Time to find my motivation that I'm SURE is hiding around here somewhere... I just don't know where to look!
It's too soon to hurt so much all the time.
I thought that only happened to old people.
Only my mother isn't old and every movement to her is excruciating.
That's another thing it's too soon for.
Too soon for my mom to hurt like she is.
Too soon for my parents to grow old.
Too soon for me to have to deal with those responsibilities.
Too soon for me to have to carry the weight of their heart.
Too soon to have to hold everyone together as we all move physically apart.
Too soon to have any time to just hide in a closet and cry.
Too soon for people to judge the decisions I will make in the next few short months.
Too soon for me to judge.
Too soon for me to have to make them.
It's ALL too soon.
Maybe the easier question would have been, what isn't?
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